I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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