Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Couch. On fire.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
