I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
