He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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