considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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