i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
