i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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