so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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