Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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