OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
