he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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