sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
