She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
