absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
