Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
