no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
