was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
