just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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