i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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