My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
