Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
