I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
