My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
