I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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