for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
