enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
