im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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