i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
