why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
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