That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
