and next time when you feel me up, do it right
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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