i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
