New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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