I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
