the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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