just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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