Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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