the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
