Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
