I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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