Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
