i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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