I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
