this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
