I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
