went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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