i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Randomize
