Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
