Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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