So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
operation have a gay friend backfired
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The air was thick with penises
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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