well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Randomize
