I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
